Having a Missionary as a Friend
by Meg Epperly
Being friends with a missionary is a big deal. Then again, being friends with anybody is a big deal. It's an investment in another human being. At the very least it takes a bit of thought, a bit of creativity, and a bit of your most precious resource: time. But, as in any friendship, the payoff can be enormous for both of you. And for the kingdom.
Everyone wins
When you become friends with a missionary, you gain more than a fascinating pen pal. You gain perspective and humility, a bigger view of God's plan and God's world. After all, you'll pray for and communicate with someone in a consistently challenging situation. And you'll "meet" the people of their world, many of whom would never have the chance to know Christ without your friend. Who knows, God may even use them to clarify your own calling.
The missionary also benefits from having non-missionary friends. As you can imagine, missionaries often feel isolated and lonely when they're overseas.
And this loneliness doesn't end when they arrive back home between terms or at the end of their overseas service. Having friends from their own culture who are emotionally supportive can make all the difference to a missionary's sense of well being on the field and to successful integration into life back home.
Where to begin
You may already have friends who serve as missionaries or who plan to go. If so, concentrate on one or two of these relationships at first. If you don't, here are a few suggestions to get you started:
- Follow up on a contact you made at Urbana
- Read prayer letters of missionaries your church supports
- Get some names from your pastor, staff worker or missions coordinator
- Go on a short-term missions project and meet missionaries where they live and work
- Write to a missions agency doing work that interests you
- Convince your best friend to go overseas
Ask to get on two or three of these missionaries' mailing lists. After receiving a few, you may want to commit more significantly, relationally, financially and/or prayerfully to one or two of them. It is cost-efficient and polite to ask to be removed from mailing lists in which you have no real interest.
Going deeper
Alex and Emily are missionaries. They're also my friends. Actually, those are not their real names. But I am discreet because they are serving in a country where missionaries are not welcomed. Extra discretion, guided by what the missionary or their agency suggests, is one of the minor additional costs of a friendship with a missionary. Higher postal and phone rates is another. However... e-mail has made communicating with Emily and Alex much easier (and cheaper). As a matter of fact, when I was asked to write this article my first piece of research was to fire off an e-mail to them. I asked them what they would say to Urbana delegates on this topic. I received a reply from halfway around the world less than 24 hours later. Here, by virtue of this amazing technology, are some of Emily's thoughts:
- Communication is extremely encouraging. Be open with what's going on in your life. Hard things are important too. Write about what you're learning spiritually. This may be a reminder or just the encouragement the missionary needs in their situation. And it's better to get a short note or email than no word at all.
- Consistency is important. Too many people forget their promises and intentions once the missionary isn't around. Stick to commitments (whether financial, prayer, writing letters, visiting, or whatever) for the entire time the missionary is in the work. Inconsistency is awkward and frustrating for missionaries.
- Care packages show you care. It's wonderful to receive pictures from home. Other items that are not too expensive to send are: flavor/spice packets, drink mixes, videos, books, magazines, and music.
- Phone calls are no longer out of the question. Although they can be expensive, they're wonderful to receive. [Alex's suggestion]
- There's nothing like a visit on the field. It's an incredibly encouraging thing for someone to spend their vacation time and money to learn about your world (not to mention God's world!).
Tiny expressions
I must admit that I haven't always been a faithful friend to Alex and Emily, but honesty (and e-mail) have helped our friendship continue to grow over the years and across the miles.
Soon Emily's parents will be on their way to visit Emily's family. They carry with them a video tape, an early Christmas card and a few pictures from me. Tiny expressions of love and support for my missionary friends. No big deal, really.
Unless otherwise noted, all materials on the urbana.org web site are Copyright InterVarsity Christian Fellowship / USA. All rights reserved.
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