Reconciliation in Three Dimensions
Conflict and Forgivenessby Ed Brown
It was a warm summer evening in China, and several U.S. students had settled into a circle to play a game. It was just an informal card game to pass some time before working on a presentation for their Chinese friends, but it would soon threaten to blow this Global Project team apart.
A difference of opinion on the rules quickly led to a heated discussion of the differences between ethnic groups and the different values held by those groups. Soon it was "your people have never understood mine and don’t even want to." It became obvious that buried in the interactions of this team was an incredible amount of resentment, anger and hurt. This was more than the stress of cultural adjustment, tiredness from travel or even personality clashes. Those were all part of the explosive mix that evening, but the fuel was race, and the explosion was memorable and painful.
This diverse group - nineteen men and women from a variety of educational, ethnic and economic backgrounds - was part of InterVarsity’s Global Projects program. They had been carefully selected for their spiritual maturity, their calling to cross-cultural ministry and their willingness to take risks for the sake of Jesus. These students were spending six weeks living with local students in a remote part of China. Their goals were to share their own culture and language, learn as much as they could about the unique minority culture of their hosts, and share the love of Jesus. Diversity was one of their strengths, or at least they had thought so, until that night.
It was obvious from the beginning that the members of the group brought an unusually broad range of experiences to the project, as well as their own different and sometimes clashing personalities. What wasn’t so obvious was the way those experiences, especially different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, were affecting how the team members related to the goals of the project and to each other. Two people in particular, an African American woman and an Asian American guy, seemed to have difficulty getting along. Her view of "America" and his were significantly different, and as the weeks had gone by she had felt more and more on the outside of the team.
To make matters worse, there was still one major item on the team’s agenda: a presentation to their Chinese friends on "Race Relations in America," and these two were scheduled to lead it. In fact, the night of the card game, they were intending to plan what they would say in that presentation. Instead, they found themselves struggling with issues of ignorance, anger and resentment which few on the team had ever faced before. As the discussion warmed up and midnight came and went, those present that night wondered, "What is going on here? Where is the love, forgiveness and reconciliation we’re supposed to be showing our Chinese friends? Have we failed as a team?"
Conflict isn’t failure . . .
These are questions that have been asked before. Though the circumstances may be less spectacular, conflicts between Christians are not rare and are always painful. It would be unusual to find a Global Project team anywhere which has not had similar times of tension. And if you’ve ever served on an InterVarsity chapter’s leadership team or even just been part of a small group, you know that those groups are not exempt either. In fact, the entire Christian church, from missionaries to choir members, seems at times to be marked more by conflict than by caring. At one time or another most of us ask the same question: "What is wrong with us? Where is the love and community we are supposed to have? Have we failed?"
No, we have not failed our Lord or our mission. Conflict is part of the human condition. It is not wrong to experience conflict; but it is wrong to stop short of full reconciliation with those with whom we have conflicts. What we have failed to do at times is to recognize that the ministry of reconciliation, described beautifully by Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:18-21, is more than a theoretical or theological concept. It’s a full, three-dimensional way of life.
Back to the Garden
The source of all our problems can be traced back to the beginning of human history and the tragic events in the Garden of Eden. The story of the Fall (Genesis 3) is a story of broken relationships. Adam and Eve’s relationship with God was broken through deliberate disobedience ("they hid from the Lord God" [3:8]). The man’s relationship with himself was broken, as was the woman’s, when they experienced shame and guilt for the first time ("I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid" [3:10]). They weren’t guilty because they were naked, but rather they became ashamed of their nakedness because of their guilt. Inner peace was only a memory. Finally, their relationship with each other was transformed from fellowship and trust to blame and betrayal ("the woman you put here with me, she gave me some fruit from the tree . . ." [3:12]). The shalom of the Garden, a Hebrew word meaning peace and completeness in the fullest sense, was gone, leaving a dark cloud of fear, shame, guilt and conflict.
A passage from the book of James shows us that our situation today remains the same: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?" (James 4:1) Wrongful, misplaced desires within us, growing out of our broken relationship to God, lead to conflict.
More than Forgiveness
Jesus’ work on the Cross gave us far more than the forgiveness of specific sins, as great a gift as that is. His work of redemption resulted in three-dimensional reconciliation: all of the relationships broken at the Fall have been restored by the Cross:
- Our relationship to God has been restored by justification, a theological concept summarized in 2 Corinthians 5:21: "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
- Our relationship to ourselves is being restored by sanctification, the process by which the Holy Spirit works to mold and transform us into new people, described in 2 Corinthians 5:17: "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come."
- Our relationship to other people is being restored in a process which results in koinonia, a beautiful New Testament Greek word that refers to genuine partnership, fellowship and community, as in 1 John 1:7: "If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another . . ."
Three principles help us understand how these three processes work together:
• First, three-dimensional reconciliation is the purpose of God’s redemptive plan in Jesus Christ. God is not merely saving individuals from Hell; he is putting creation back together again by reversing all of the effects of the Fall, starting with us (see Romans 8:19-22). This means reconciliation is not optional for a ministry team, or for anyone else--it’s the heart of our mission.
• Second, we need to observe an important distinction between justification, which is a one-time declaration of pardon, and sanctification and koinonia, both of which are processes that take time. Justification is accomplished at conversion, and it’s all God. It’s a change in my position before God. Restoration with him has to happen before anything else can be achieved. Sanctification and koinonia, however, take time to happen, and depend on our willing participation as well as the power of the Holy Spirit. Progress in restoring peace in our inner and outward relationships depends a lot on our response to the Spirit at work in us.
• Third, the health of each of these three key relationships will always correlate closely with the health of the other two. All three fell like dominos at the beginning because they are dependent on each other, and that dependence continues. If my relationship with God is poor, due perhaps to unconfessed sin or some other cause, there will be repercussions in my inner life and in my relationships with others. I won’t feel very good about myself, and I’ll have a lot of trouble getting along with those around me. Similarly, if my relationship with myself is poor, if I am carrying unresolved inner conflicts, my relationship with God and with other people will probably be unsatisfactory. Finally, unresolved conflicts with others, even in the past, can have a profound effect on my relationship with God and my inner peace.
Using conflict for good
Reconciliation must always happen in these three dimensions. This has profound implications for ministry teams. As the Global Project incident illustrates, there is no guarantee that careful screening, zeal for ministry or anything else will prevent relational conflicts on a team. However, such conflict doesn’t have to destroy a team or its ability to minister. Here are some ways that leaders (and the rest of us) can use conflict when it emerges to bring a team to a deeper experience of reconciliation:
• Don’t be afraid of or dismayed by conflict. Koinonia requires a birth process that can be painful. Disagreements, like labor pains, are an inevitable part of the process. Fear of open conflict, or a false spiritual desire to "pray about it" rather than to face the disagreement can cause many leaders to bury the issues. This only allows the hurts and anger to fester. As leaders, we need to actively monitor the relational atmosphere of our team, and be willing to probe potential areas of conflict as soon as they become apparent. Small fires are always easier to put out than large infernos.
• Keep the conflict under control. Some antagonists are mature enough to be able to fight fairly, expressing their own opinions while listening carefully to what the other is saying. Most of us can’t do that very well, and need help. A leader’s most important role may be that of referee, ensuring that points are made honestly and that inappropriate personal attacks are kept to a minimum (and apologized for). The goal is to reach understanding.
Part of keeping a conflict under control is limiting the number of people who become involved. A simple disagreement between two people can rapidly inflame an entire chapter or ministry team. People soon choose sides, usually with limited information and high emotions. Jesus’ advice in Matthew 18:15-17 (to take initiative when wronged) is excellent for keeping a conflict from involving an entire community.
• Encourage quarreling team members to look within themselves for the source of conflict. This is an area where a leader needs sensitivity and wisdom. Any conflict is a complex mix of current offenses ("You just said . . .") and baggage from the past ("You remind me of my mother!") that needs to be carefully separated and tenderly dealt with. Arguments that touch deep emotional nerves such as race and gender are no different; they need careful handling. A person who has been offended racially and perhaps provoked into saying some harsh things should apologize for his or her reactions. But at the same time, apologizing for one’s own misstatements is not a concession regarding the main issue.
• Understand your goals. When has reconciliation happened? Complete agreement may never be possible, and may not even be completely desirable. Different opinions and perspectives are part of the richness of life and one of the joys of true koinonia. There are, however, three things to aim for in any process of conflict resolution and reconciliation: genuine understanding; repentance for wrong words, wrong actions or wrong attitudes; and granting of forgiveness when repentance has been expressed.
Life After Conflict
So what happened to the China Global Project? It was a painful process, but koinonia was born that night. The team talked, cried, and prayed until 2 a.m. Understanding came, and with it repentance and forgiveness. The race panel was held, and became a testimony from the two main antagonists about their own struggles with racial identity. The result was a profound impact on the Chinese students who were there.
Perhaps most significantly, the two people who couldn’t get along have become good friends, though they live hundreds of miles apart. They’re experiencing reconciliation - in all its dimensions.
Ed Brown is a former personnel coordinator for InterVarsity Link, a partnership which shares U.S. staff with other movements of the International Fellowship of Evangelical Students.
Permission is granted to make and distribute verbatim copies of this article for educational purposes provided this permission notice, and the copyright notice below are preserved on all copies. Not to be reprinted in any other publication without permission. © 1998 InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA. All rights reserved. This article first appeared in the Summer 1998 issue of Student Leadership Journal®.
Unless otherwise noted, all materials on the urbana.org web site are Copyright InterVarsity Christian Fellowship / USA. All rights reserved.
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