Single and In Short-Term Mission?
Then This Article is for Youby Becky Young
"For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is his name - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, he is called the God of all the earth."
OK. We're young. We're single. We have needs. But be realistic:
• We are short-term.
• We don't want any entanglements that will cause regrets.
• We are representatives of our mission, our church and friends, of Christ.
But we also have needs.
So what are legitimate ways to fulfill our needs without getting into any sticky situations?
• Live with or spend time with a family.
• Pour your affections on children.
• Build friendships with people of the same sex.
• Enjoy the natural interaction the culture allows you. But understand what it means. (e.g. girls holding hands or guys walking arm in arm are culturally acceptable PLATONIC expressions of friendship in many cultures.)
There ARE advantages to singleness.
Being single gives you freedom . . .
• In your schedule.
• In your travel plans.
• For time with people.
• For fulfilling your responsibilities.
• Being single forces you to turn to God for intimacy.
• Being single helps you relate to single students.
READ I Corinthians 7:7-9,17-35 and Psalm 86:11
There ARE difficulties with singleness.
As single adults, we all face difficulties. They are unavoidable. So it's helpful to adjust our expectations. Here are some things you can anticipate as a single adult living and working cross-culturally:
Being single, you will . . .
• Experience loneliness (don't forget that married people get lonely, too!).
• Lack physical contact (though there are culturally appropriate ways of touching in every culture).
• Feel like no one understands your two worlds - home in country of origin and home in the country you work in.
• Feel like you are always giving and reaching out to others.
• Want someone to meet your needs.
• Stick out in the culture you're going to. People may constantly ask you about marriage or try to set you up. Mothers or friends may see you as a good "catch" for their children or someone they know.
• Be a target for some national who sees you as a ticket to your homeland.
Be aware of your limitations.
• You don't know the local rules for dating (e.g. "dating" may mean that you are having sex).
• Your limited knowledge of the language may cause confusion (e.g. you may agree to marry someone without realizing it!).
• You don't know what it's like to grow up in their culture. You may assume that they know things or hold similar beliefs when they really don't.
• You and your teammates may be the most mature Christians around or at least that you interact with regularly. There will be the temptation to lower your standards and decide it's okay for you to date a younger Christian because they are the best thing around. You may have friends who are also expatriates. Spend time with them. It's a good reality check.
• You are responsible for how your actions affect your student group. If you are seen as potential dating material, it will cause tension in the group. If you want to date someone, think about how this will affect your team, your students, etc.
• Remember that even though you may be more similar to a teammate than to the nationals, you are still different. And you haven't had a chance to observe them in your home culture or theirs.
Some final suggestions.
• Exercise regularly.
• Pour out that built up love and affection on children, the elderly or students (in appropriate ways).
• Be open and honest with your teammates. Hold each other accountable. When one of you is spending too much time with someone of the opposite sex, ask about it: "What are your intentions?" "How do you feel?" "How do you think the other person interprets your actions and time together?"
• Expect to be attracted to people.
• Realize that your conversation topics, what you read, what you watch and the music you listen to will all effect your frame of mind.
• Trust God. He's called you. He will give you everything you need to be like Jesus wherever you are. Do you really trust God to provide for you, even in your need for intimacy and affection? Are you serious enough about what you're doing to forego casual dating?
Adapted from an article by Becky Young, LINK staff in Russia, in the InterVarsity LINK Handbook, 1999.
Unless otherwise noted, all materials on the urbana.org web site are Copyright InterVarsity Christian Fellowship / USA. All rights reserved.
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