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Response to Terrorist Attacks Reflections
on September 11 I was driving to the grocery store, making a grocery list in my mind, when I heard about the events of September 11. "Enchilada sauce, two onions, a bell pepper. . . " My thoughts were interrupted by an NPR reporter talking about the terrible events of the morning. It was surreal and momentarily unbelievable. Like most of you I was shocked. It took me a while to be able to think straight. When I came to my senses, I turned my car around and drove back to where I was staying, at a cabin in a northern California farming community where the student leaders from Stanford University were having their pre-fall retreat. By the time I got there, the driveway was dotted with students on cell phones calling to check in with their families. People were crying, praying, talking, spacing out and generally dealing with the news in a variety of ways. I imagine that by now, most of you have heard many theological and biblical thoughts about these events. (Certainly anyone with access to TV or radio have heard a lot of philosophical and political thoughts). Most pastors at the churches around here have been speaking about it on Sundays and there have been many prayer events to go to and be a part of. Personally, I am a little embarrassed to say that I feel a little overloaded by all these thoughts. I am not sure that I have the brainpower right now to really know what to think and how to understand what is happening. I feel more full of questions. . . questions that I don't think will be answered right away with a few quick bible passages. Questions like, "What does God really think of the US as a country (as an empire?)" or "What is the role of patriotism as a Christian?" or "Do people in this country really see me as an American and if the circumstances were different, would people who looked like me suddenly be seen as a threat?" I wonder about what believers around the world think of all this. Should this event change my life? I feel full of questions and internal struggles and I feel like I could spend the next decade focused on them and working them out. But I also have a sense that that is not what God has for me. Like I said, I was at the Stanford leaders' retreat last week. I was actually not staffing the retreat but cooking for it. Because I am not on the Stanford staff team (but married to someone on it) I was just there to serve, hang out during breaks and do other work stuff while they were meeting. As a result, I was able to take a lot of time alone to pray in those first couple of days, especially the first night. I'd like to say I got profound theological insight, crystal clarity on how students should respond or a mystical sense of peace from God during all that time alone but that would not be true. What I did receive was a sense that I should go out for coffee. What I mean is that I had a strong desire to see what God was doing in the hearts and lives of people who do not have him as a resource in times of crisis and tragedy. So I drove back into town to be where people were and told God, "If you want me to talk to anyone, please bring them to me." I spent the good portions of the next 3 days at the Whole Foods market and coffee shop in the little town of Sebastapol, California. I sat there alone with a decaf coffee and ended up getting into amazing, eye-opening conversations with lots of strangers about the events of the week, about how we are doing, about life after death, and about Jesus. God brought me a new age lawyer, a retired (self-proclaimed) crossword puzzle fanatic, and a gay librarian to talk to, to comfort, to learn from, and to share with about who I lean on when difficult things happen. No one converted right then and there but they were all really good conversations and a felt blessing to each of us. All of this is to say that my process of responding to the national crisis has been different than I might have expected. Yes, there has been prayer, sharing of feelings, connecting with people I love (grateful that we are OK). But I am surprised to say that the most significant way that I have been connecting to God about all of this is through talking to non-believers about it and trying to share the gospel with them. As I listen to them and to myself talk about what is real to us, my heart is filled up with God and a longing for more of Him for myself and for others. Talking to strangers opens my eyes more personally to this world's daily, deep need for God. I am able to connect and ask for real hope. I am able to pray and be honest. I have found so much life through this that I am asking God to bring me at least one random person every day to talk to about the gospel. I would guess that there are lots of people out there, especially in this country and on campuses right now who need to talk about what has happened; people who don't have Christian communities where they can seek comfort and find meaning. I would guess also that by His Holy Spirit, God might be pointing some of them out to you in these times of intensity and chaos. If you would avail yourself (by initiating conversations, asking questions, offering to pray), I think you will be surprised, as I was, at how much you will experience God, even in the midst of your own grief and questions. I think you will remember how much you have of God and of hope and control. May you be a missionary (right now!) wherever you are for God is at work to love people and draw them near to Him all the time, no matter the day. Susan Cho Van Riesen < other responses to September 11
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