Many today will suggest that masturbation is a legitimate means of relieving sexual pressure. Let me quote some relevant thoughts from C.S. Lewis, who held a contrary position, showing why giving in to this practice is psychologically (as well as spiritually)harmful.

Lewis gave no ground to the person who saw masturbation as an option for how to cope with sexual temptation. After discarding all the humbug about the physical harm from autoeroticism, he got to the core of the matter: “For me the real evil of masturbation w[oul]d be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and grandchildren) and turns it back; sends the man into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides.”

Lewis went on to say that “this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no woman can rival.” Finally, among these fantasies the man “is always adored, always the perfect lover; no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself.” From Lewis’ angle of vision, any sexual activity, including homosexuality, outside of monogamous heterosexual marriage is outside the will of God. (Lyle W. Dorsett. Seeking the Secret Place. The spiritual Formation of C.S. Lewis. Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press (A division of Baker), 2004, pp 123, 124.)

From your statement, I think you believe what C.S. Lewis says, and for this reason you find yourself feeling guilty and far from God.

I wish we could talk personally, but since we can’t, let me share some concrete suggestions:

• I think it is important for you to recognize that God loves you in spite of the failures you have experienced. (As someone once said, “He who knows us the best, loves us the most.”) You can’t earn his love by “being good” and you can’t lose His love by sinning. You only hurt yourself.

• Let me share a couple of biblical promises. I would encourage you to memorize them.

(Hebrews 4:14-16) Jesus the Son of God is our great High Priest [who]…understands our weaknesses, since He had the same temptations we do, though He never once gave way to them and sinned. So let us come boldly to the very throne of God and stay there to receive His mercy and to find grace to help us in our times of need.

On the basis of this promise, I would encourage you to return to God, confess your sins and your coldness of heart, remind Him of all that Jesus has done for you, and accept His forgiveness.

(1 Corinthians 10:13) The wrong desires that come into your life aren’t anything new and different. Many others have faced exactly the same problems before you. And no temptation is irresistible. You can trust God to keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it, for He has promised this and will do what He says. He will show you how to escape temptation’s power so that you can bear up patiently against it.

This is a powerful promise! I would encourage you to memorize this verse as well and hold on to it as you face your temptations.

• To win a battle one has to make a serious plan. Some possible action steps: o We live in a society practically saturated with sexual stimuli: pornography, videos, movies, magazines, etc. Stay away from these! Your mind is your most potent “sex organ.” Determine that you will not indulge this material which creates images the enemy of your soul can work with. o Treat girls as “sisters,” as Paul told Timothy (1 Tim 5:2). When you talk to girls, see them as people, not sex objects. Pray for them. Look in their eyes. Job, as an older man, continued to struggle with his own thoughts. He shared the following as part of his “battle plan:” I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a girl. He recognized his weakness and committed himself to this discipline. o Learn from your experience: When and where do your temptations come? At night? In the morning? When you are sad or bored? How can this knowledge help you with your “battle plan?” o Call for help. It would be wonderful if you had a close Christian friend that you could share your struggle with (you may find he has it, too!), and agree to meet once a week to share how the Lord is helping you in moments of special difficulty. You could share verses that the Lord has given each of you, pray with one another, and talk about all aspects of your Christian experience. With this individual you can make your own “covenant,” call each other in times of special stress, and encourage one another with each small victory. o As the Lord helps you in this area, you will have something you can share with other men in the future. It will also be a means of growing in dependence on God, which results in spiritual maturity. Through God’s grace you can turn a liability into a source of blessing.

Well, Mike, this is a start. Let me know if anything I have shared is helpful to you. If you would like me to pray for you, I will willing to do this, but I would want you to write me at least every two weeks to share how things are going.

Blessings on you,