It seems to be that it would have been better to have settled your sense of call before you committed yourself to marriage. Having a good experience on a mission trip is significant, but it should be only one of several important indicators as to what you feel the Lord is calling you to. There is nothing wrong with having a job in the U.S. and raising a family, and this may well be what the Lord has for you. But you could enter into your marriage with greater peace of mind if you settled the issue of call first. Ultimately, it has to do with obedience, doesn’t it? It’s not a matter of a vocation so much as your relationship to the Lord.

Pardon the personal illustration, but when I fell in love with a girl in college I shared with her my call to mission and my expectations that my future wife would be my helpmeet in my ministry. I gave her a year to think through all this and waited patiently for the Lord to make things clear to her. Fortunately (for me), she did decide God was calling her to missions and to marry me, but I felt this issue of a call had to be settled first.

I think you know that getting married will certainly complicate the possibilities of your involvement with “mission work.” You will no longer be independent. You will have a home, very possibly children, and a husband with his own interests and plans. If both of you continue to feel interested in or possibly “called” to mission work, you can certainly find ways of service in the U.S. or possibly even on mission trips abroad, but it will not be the same as working full-time as a missionary.

Your last question is the key one. You have placed yourself in the difficult position of having made a decision and committed yourself to a man (not to mention all the preparations and expectations of family and friends), and now are wondering if you have done the right thing because of your uncertainty regarding your call.

Several suggestions: - Take a day or two alone with the Lord to seek His face, and put the whole matter before Him. Write down your thoughts. Read Scripture. Worship the Lord. Come to a decision whether or not you are willing to do His will above all else, even if it means being single. Then ask Him what you should do. - Share your doubts and what you feel the Lord is saying to you with your pastor or an experienced Christian counselor. You need a wise person to reflect your thoughts and give you more objectivity. - If you find a great lack of peace, I would encourage you to consider the big step of postponing your wedding. You have little time and it is difficult to try and make an objective decision when you are in the midst of planning a wedding! I hope your fiancé would understand. This is an area you have needed to discuss more deeply and thoroughly with him anyhow, pray together, and come to a sense of projecting a common purpose in your lives as a married couple, no longer two but one. I long for you to enter into marriage with a strong confirmation from the Lord, rather than this doubt which could plague you the rest of your life with uncertainly and even guilt, a condition the enemy can take full advantage of. Facing this issue with your fiancé will take your communication to a new level of profundity. If he does not understand and tries to unduly pressure you, it is a good sign that the two of you are not ready to get married.

These are not easy words to share with you, Amy. But your situation is not unusual. With your permission I am going to publish your question and my answer, changing the name, since so many young people fall in love and plan their marriages before they think through carefully who they are before the Lord and what He has called them to be. May the Lord guide you as you read these words. May He take what is of Him and make it clear, but help you to not be influenced by what is not helpful.

In His Grace,