In 1 Corinthians 12 - 14, Paul gives a description of different spiritual gifts, including speaking in tongues. It would be helpful for you to read these chapters through carefully several times and write down what you learn.

You will discover that different respected Christian leaders have varying interpretations regarding the whole subject of spiritual gifts, especially the experience of speaking in tongues. Some believe they ceased at the time of the Apostles. Others recognize that they exist, but have little personal experience with them. Still others, like those in the local church where you attend, put great emphasis on them. I will answer your questions by giving you my own personal interpretation.

1) Why didn't you speak in tongues? Many, many Christians don't speak in tongues when they first meet the Lord. Much of their experience depends on the teaching and expectations of those who lead them to confess Christ. In my experience, most people who speak in tongues enter into this experience later on in their walk with the Lord. Some Christians refer to this as a result of being "filled with the Spirit." As you read the chapters 12-14 of 1 Corinthians, you will note that in 12:30 Paul seems to imply that not all Christians are apostles, prophets, teachers, miracle workers, have the gifts of healing, or speak in tongues. He notes in 12:7-11, that spiritual gifts are given for the common good (including tongues, v. 10), and the Holy Spirit "gives them to each one, just as He determines."

2) What does speaking in tongues do? Paul encourages believers to seek spiritual gifts. He notes that speaking in tongues edifies the church, if it is interpreted. It also edifies the individual (14:4). Perhaps this is what the pastor was referring to when he says that in order to live the Christian life one must speak in tongues. However, I feel it is not accurate to say that speaking in tongues necessarily produces sanctification in a Christian. There are many, many Christians who live holy lives who have never spoken in tongues. On the other hand, there are many who speak in tongues who sin as much or more than those who have never had the experience.

In summary: - There is nowhere in Scripture that says that speaking in tongues is a sign of conversion. Paul notes that the Holy Spirit gives gifts as He will. I would encourage you to seek spiritual gifts, as the Lord leads you, but not feel frustrated if you don't receive specific gifts, regardless of what others may say. - Rather, what you mention as your experience of love, joy, peace, etc., are called fruits of the Spirit, which indeed show the active working of the Lord in your life. In his first epistle, John states that this fruit, especially love, is an evidence that God has redeemed us and lives in us. - It is better not to argue about these matters in which Christians differ. If the people in your church continue to hassle you about this, perhaps you should consider exploring other churches which teach the Bible faithfully but have a more open position on the whole subject of spiritual gifts. Put your eyes on Jesus, keep close to Him, and ask Him to guide and teach you.

Blessings on you, Val.