1) Your friend is hurting not only because of the death of her brother, but because of her supposition that if God is loving He will shield all of us from suffering. Sometimes He does, other times He doesn’t. Nor does He always explain why He does or allows certain things.

For example: one of the longest books in the Bible is Job (42 chapters!). Its purpose is to explore the reason for human suffering in a world ruled by a righteous God. Job loses 10 children, his wealth, and his health. He is confounded – why would God allow this? His friends say it’s because he has sinned. He stoutly defends his integrity. At the end of the book, God intervenes, declaring that Job is more righteous than his friends. But Job also recognizes that he had no right to be angry with God. Interestingly enough, God never explains to Job “why.” Job’s expected response is to worship God and accept what He ordains. He is the Lord. He knows what is best.

What God Has Promised God has not promised skies always blue, Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through; God has not promised sun without rain Joy without sorrow peace without pain.

But God has promised, strength for the day, Rest for the labor, light for the way, Grace for the trials, help from above, Unfailing sympathy, undying love. —Annie Johnson Flint

2) The Bible is full of people who suffer: from disease, disasters, “misfortune,” persecution, etc. God’s people suffer. Jesus warned His disciples, “In the world you will have tribulation, but I have overcome the world.” We live in a fallen world, full of problems of every kind. The Bible tells us that the source of all these maladies is not God, who created everything perfect, but human sin. We’re born into it and will suffer its consequences, until God creates “a new heaven and a new earth.” By God’s grace, as we respond to the Gospel, we experience freedom from sin and thus much blessing, including God’s promise of provision in order to accomplish His purposes for us. But we still live in this world.

3) God sent His Son to suffer for us. God is not indifferent to our pain. The fallen world is not His fault, but rather than abandon us, He comes down alongside us. He sent His Son to be born, live, and die, experiencing the essence of our tragedy. He says He understands our grief.

4) How do we respond to loss? The death of a loved one causes great pain. We need to come alongside the suffering one, talk little, listen to their grief (encourage them to express their pain, anger, and even guilt), and accompany them. When it is appropriate, you can speak to her that though God may never give her a “reason” for why He allowed her brother to die, He knows her grief and cares. He gave His own Son for her (Romans 5:8). He wants to take her up in His loving arms and give her consolation. But first, in time, she needs to be willing to allow Him to be God, to intervene or not, according to His wisdom, whether she understands Him or not.

5) The best book I know on this subject is Where Is God When it Hurts? by Philip Yancey Zondervan / 1997. It’s available from Amazon. He writes from the personal experience of a dear friend who nearly died from cancer. Thus it comes out of his heart, not only his head.

May the Lord give you great wisdom as you continue to help your friend. Your prayers and faithfulness to her are your best gift. Be patient with her. These experiences take much time.

In His Fellowship,