Several passages of Scripture have been helpful to me in times like you mention. • In 1 John 3:21, the Apostle writes of those who appear to have an oversensitive conscience. “This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in His presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts.” o Note that John recognizes that some Christians will experience great seasons of doubt and self condemnation. o He notes that God is aware of our needs and weaknesses and sees beyond our doubts and fears. o He also indicates what can encourage us in times like this. • In Romans 8:28-38, Paul seeks to help Christians who are struggling with one need or another. He notes the prayer of the Spirit who intercedes for us “with groans that words cannot express.” He underscores that the fact that our salvation is not something that is here today and gone tomorrow, but is part of God’s cosmic plan, as He calls us, foreknowing our very response, and that nothing can separate us from Him. I would encourage you to lift up these verses before the Lord in deep meditation and prayer. • As you read the Psalms, note how David struggled with depression, covered his bed with tears, yet firmly decides that he will trust in the Lord, and in that declaration of faith, discovers God’s peace enter his soul. Psalm 22 is particularly helpful. Note how he begins with a sense of God forsaking him, works through his former experiences, and concludes with a vision of mission and God’s plan for the future! (Jesus remembered this Psalm while on the cross.) I would encourage you to do your own study on this Psalm and lift it up to the Lord in prayer, as Jesus did. • I have just finished reading again the book of Job. Here is a man thrust into unexplainable suffering, told by his closest friends that this is God’s judgment for his sins, yet not conscious of anything that he has done wrong. He clings to God with what little faith he has left, and in the end God both humbles him and vindicates him. A powerful book.

I think you would have guessed that my answer to your question is that one’s salvation does not depend on the stoutness of one’s faith during these periods of doubt. It is the Lord who holds us by the hand. Just before Peter’s greatest experience of failure, the Lord Jesus looks into his eyes and tells him that He is praying for him that his faith not fail. But, knowing that during his night of terror that indeed his faith would fail, Jesus tells him, “when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen and build up your brothers” (Luke 22:32).

Peter wasn’t the only one who betrayed Jesus; all the disciples did. But Jesus didn’t discard them for this failure. He even knew it would happen, but had prayed that the Lord would take them through this painful experience out the other side to have even greater faith in Him.

In my experience the Lord takes all His servants in one way or another through moments of doubt and dryness. In these moments, we don’t feel anything. God feels a million miles away. I believe that in these moments He wants us to learn what it means to live by faith. Faith in His promise, apart from confirmation through feeling His presence in any way. So, we trust Him, obey Him, worship Him, and seek Him, trusting that in His time and in His way He will once again bless us with the sweet radiance of His presence. Perhaps this is what you are going through now.

So hang on, Cindy. Keep on with the spiritual disciples you mentioned. God is real; God loves you; and His best is yet to come!